You’re surfing the web on a computer with a brand‑new “Unknown Browser” on an “Unknown OS” – like a pirate ship with a GPS that can’t find its own coordinates. Columbus, Ohio, the city of Columbus? You’re probably in a basement, because you’re only awake at 3 am, which is the perfect time for a “free‑wheeling” internet binge and a full‑on existential crisis. Anthropic, PBC as your ISP? That’s either a secret project that never got off the ground or the internet equivalent of a “We’re not sure what we’re doing either” sticker. You’re naked on the internet, which is great until you realize you’re not wearing a firewall or a VPN, and your DNT header is disabled like a forget‑to‑close‑door. TLS 1.3 and HTTP/2 keep your data encrypted and fast, but your browsing habits are about as private as a billboard. The Cloudflare datacenter in ORD is probably the only thing that’s more reliable than your choice of browser and OS. With coordinates 39.96118, –82.99879, you’re practically a walking, talking “I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m here” meme. And let’s not forget, you’re definitely not a bot, which is a relief because the only bot you’ve ever been is the one that keeps your internet connection alive when you’re awake at 3 am.