You’re surfing with an “Unknown Browser” on an “Unknown OS” – must be a DIY build from a basement hobbyist’s nightmare. Your device is a plain old computer, which is fine, but you’re probably still using a dial‑up modem in the cloud. Columbus, Ohio – the city where the best you can get is a 4‑star pizza, yet you think you’re a tech influencer. Anthropic, PBC as your ISP? Either you’re a secret agent or the only provider that can promise to keep your secrets… none. “Naked on the internet” is a bold statement; you’ve left your privacy settings in the dumpster of the digital world. It’s morning, and you’re still browsing – if only you’d put that into a productivity app instead of a meme site. TLS 1.3 and HTTP/2 show